well, son, i deeply misunderstood your birthday request for COD but we still need to eat all this fish
so when ur famous do u just magically have great skin or
- person : more than five minutes is too long for a song
- Guns N Roses: lol
- Queen : lol
- Pink Floyd : lol
- Deep Purple : lol
- The Rolling Stones : lol
- Led Zeppelin : lol
- Metallica: lol
- a group of guys going out: hell yeah man i'm gonna get fucked up and if i find a hot girl i wanna take home i might need a wingman just fyi
- a group of girls going out: okay ladies remember we're going in in formation B so we don't lose sight of one another, but if there's any trouble we decided on secret hand gesture alpha-6. don't accept drinks from anybody, we just can't risk it tonight. stacey, did you print out the blueprints of the frat house? oh i see you color coded it so we know which areas have the highest population density and which rooms are well lit, excellent. marie i need that report on incidents of date rape from the last five years. thanks. alright, i think we're all set then. remember the buddy system. let's have a wild night ladies, but stay safe.
i have everyone’s nudes hidden in my
Sometimes you need a tall cute boy to cuddle you in bed with his hand up your shirt
one time my mom hired cleaning ladies to clean the house and a couple of hours after they were done i noticed my cat was missing and we were searching the house looking everywhere for my cat and finally i heard a meow from my room and my cat was literally under the blanket tucked into my bed and my mom called the cleaning ladies asking why the fuck they made the bed over the cat and the woman said “it wouldn’t move”
1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting u
THERE ARE 8 PLANETS, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.
VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU
I’m pretty sure “Viva la Pluto fuck you” is the best sentence I’ve heard all week.